GolfHos

..and Alzheimer's?

I think I'm in the beginning stages with Ma, she's 70. She gets so mad at me when I show her times when she's forgetting things. Now I'm talking really important things not just your average senior moments, heck I have senior moments and I'm 45. I'm not sure how to pursue this. I'm heading to Alzheimer's web page now.

Thanks.

my mom took care of her dad through a lot of his around mid70's on.  i don't really remember a lot about it though.   my dad will probably not live long enough to get there.  sometimes i think my mom is showing early signs, but it could just be from her almost never sleeping taking care of my dad
  :sad3:

Yes, our family left our home (without packing or anything) to come move in and take care of our Grandma 7 years ago after our Grandpa died to give her 24/7 care so she wouldn't have to go into a nursing home. She is in the more advanced stages of it, and can't recognize my Dad (her son) sometimes even, but probably 90% of the time. Everything is just "for the moment" as her short time memory is mostly all gone, I could introduce one of my friends to her, and we could walk out of the room, and come back under a minute later and she wouldn't know she was ever introduced. It's a very sad disease.

Torp, it is a very sad disease. It takes away quite possibly the most precious commodity any of us have, our memories.

Ask your Dad, if and when he first started to notice it. Did he do anything? If he did is there anything he would have done differently?

I'm just trying to figure out how to go about this, there are medicines now that can help but you have to admit there's a problem and Mom just doesn't see it, which is the irony of the disease.


I know the feeling Torp, I went through this with my wife's grandmother, she really never knew who I was.

Seamus,

My Dad contracted early onset Alzheimer's when he was about 58 years old.  Within 2 years he had it full on.  He lasted about 8 years after that in a nursing home.  He was too much too handle for my Mom.  Quality of life the last 8 years was non-existant.  It is an insidious disease that I don't wish on anyone.  There were some experimental drugs, but nothing we tried worked.  Try to enjoy the lucid moments now.  Sadly, they will be few and far between.  Prayers are with you and your family.

I'll give you a for instance.

Recently she had some medical tests performed, cat scan, ekg, doplar something, brain MRI. She called me to tell how afraid she was of the results. So I met her at the Dr's office, and talked and joked with her, and tried to ease her mind, we were there a good 30 minutes.

Tests came back normal. I was hoping they would show me something, but.

She called me a week later to tell me the results of her tests.


She's still quite lucid but it's getting worse. Thanks!

Same question I gave Torp though, in the beginning did any really notice (what did you do?), did your Dad finally come to the realization of the problem, or is that just one aspect of the disease, they don't know until it's too late, or they never know?

First noticed it when I went to visit him.  We went to play golf together.  It was just the 2 of us.  We were behind a foursome and I noticed he was getting very agitated with waiting, completely atypical behavior.  About the 15th hole, he was about 140 yards out from the green and I watched as he pulled out a 5 wood and launch it 60 yards over the green.  He had no idea where he was going or what he was doing.  I talked to my Mom when we returned and that's when she told me she had been observing some odd behavior as well.  We scheduled a visit to the doctor while I was there and that's when it was confirmed.  My Dad never really knew, it jut "happened".  The next week , he disappeared from his community while riding his bike (he used to do this every morning for exercise).  He was found 4 miles from home with no idea where he lived or how to get back.  Within 6 months he was completely consumed by the disease and never recognized any of us again.  Very sad.  I miss him a lot.

Six months? Oh my.

I am sorry.  :sad3:

My grandfather on my mom's side had it, we suspect. He was very senile and back then Alzheimer's wasn't really diagnosed. It was difficult for us because we tended to take care of both Grandma and Grandpa. When Grandma was in the hospital for several weeks Grandpa was at the house, he really didn't know any of us. We didn't let him out of the house. And I agree it is a very cruel disease that affects everyone.

Just to add, this is my worst fear, that either my mom will get it or I will when I am older. I also had an uncle that had ALS, my mom's brother. Not sure which is worse.

Man, this is some tough reading.  My thoughts and prayers go to all of you dealing with this and hoping things go as best they possibly can.

First, I'd like to say that I'll be praying for you.  Such sad news to hear. :sad3:


I quite agree, Seamus.  Our memory is one of our most precious things.  My grandma has a saying - and actually, she still says it - she doesn't mind getting older so long as her health holds out.  I don't mean this in a disrespectful way, but I know she thinks she's in her 60s.  She's 88.  Anyway, as nice as good health is, if I had the choice between health or memory, I'd probably be leaning towards having my memory.

I haven't asked my dad when he first noticed it, and I don't think Kev has done so yet either, but from what I can recall observing, by the time I was 10 (12 years ago), it was becoming more noticeable.  I know for sure that my grandfather knew years before he actually told us that Grandma had been diagnosed with Alzheimers.  (The first time I recall hearing the diagnosis I was ~14.)  I'll ask my Dad (and my mom) if there are things they'd have done differently, and get back to you.

Yes, there are medications, the leading being Aricept.  The thing about them is that studies can't really determine just how effective they are.  Alzheimers is different for every person and the stages also progress at different speeds, and since you can't determine how fast those stages will come for each individual, you also can't determine whether or not it's actually slowing the process.  Oh, and just to be clear, Alzheimer meds do not claim to help "cure" nor do they claim they can help gain back the memory lost, just "slow down the progress" (hopefully, that is).  Also, it's only an "effective treatment" for 4 years.  (At least, I think it's 4 years.  Now, I'm second-guessing myself.  Less than 7, that's for sure.)  We do have Grandma on Aricept because my dad's sister wanted her on it, but especially since the "effective" time period has more than passed, well, it seems like a good time to reevaluate.

Alzheimers is different with every person, but I'll share a couple things that have helped us. 

Don't use phrases like "do/don't you remember..." or "remember when..." or such things because it's intimidating when they can't remember it, and that's hard thing for them to admit.  (Actually, I'd say it's hard for most people to admit a weakness.)  Instead, introduce whatever you were talking about, give it a little background, something that's not in-your-face you-were-there type of stuff.

Also for Grandma, we give honest answers, but not always as specific as we could be or even as specific as she might want.  For example, we do not tell it's time for her memory pill, rather just that we brought her pills to her.  There are also times we'll answer the "need" of her question rather than the direct answer.  Sometimes, it's a bit of a side-step answer, but it's the truth, and it's the real answer that she needs, whereas, the answer she was seeking might be only a subpoint in the overall picture.  Her question may be "What's for supper?", and we could say "Oh, steak, mashed potatoes and gravy (or butter :D), cucumbers and onion slices, and pie for dessert". But a better answer  could be such as "Oh, it's Mom's turn to make supper tonight; I'm sure she has everything. :)" is the best reply.  Her desire is to see her family fed, and as a wife and mother for 60 years, she's concerned about what she should be making us.  Where a direct answer very well has had her on the verge of trying to prepare such meals, the latter reply has told her everything is taken care of and she can relax about it.


I know I've said a lot already, and it might seem overwhelming.  Since we have experienced this on a daily basis for the past 7 years, there is also more that could be said, but it certainly isn't something for just one post.  So one last thing I would say for now is to just keep loving her.  Keep showing her you care, take time for her, and talk to her as if the conversation is the first time you've spoke of it, even if it's the 10 thousandth time.  It's not always the easiest, but I'm glad that we're here for my grandma, to give her the quality of care she deserves.  It's also a blessing that she's still here with us, and while times are mixed with sadness over the disease, it's still a time we have with her and there are many good memories that we wouldn't have had if we hadn't moved in. 

I can type it no better than this. 




My very best wishes for all of you.

I can't type at all now, Eagle made me cry, such an old soul she is.

Thanks all my Ho's.  :)

Nice post EAGLE.

Sorry to hear Seamus.  Best wishes.


My wife and I both have a grandfather with Bipolar disorder which can be pretty hard on everyone at times.  Lots of irrational behavior, highs and lows, but thankfully they have their faculties for the most part. 

Best wishes to all. I hope that you relish the good times and have the strength to get through the bad.

I was going to post a new topic with a little rant but after reading threads like this I realize the insignificance.

Was it about Arsene Wenger?   [sm_anon]

LMAO!  [sm_rolling] +1

 :) Nope. A driving habit that has become noticeably more common. And annoying.

*breathes deeply and counts to 10*

If you're at home alone, I would hope you could go to 11.

<----
exporting the Pittsburgh Left since 2001.

Sorry to hear.  MY wife's parents/grandparents are going through it now -- her grandparents are both in their mid-80s and the grandmother's mind has been slowly going for a few years now.  There were very small signs as early as ten years ago, but we can see the deterioration with each passing year.  Last visit to our house, six adults in the room, and literally, she asked the SAME question of my FIL five times in the space of about 90 seconds.

To the extent she realizes anything is amiss, she's in strong denial about it.  More combative with her husband, too, which sucks, as they've been the lovingest couple anyone has ever known.

No real help here, though, other than to say that it appears no matter what you do, it's going to be hard and there's going to be some lashing out and some guilt.  Do what you think is best, and then weather the storm.  The biggest thing, IMO, is not letting the Alzheimer-afflicted person's behavior taint the memory you'll carry of the real person.

Thanks Clive. For both the kind words and getting that "taint" in there.  :) >:(

My grandmother is 93 years old, still sharp as a tack, and will probably outlive us all. Unfortunately, she spends all her time worrying about how none of us are going to join her in the Celestial Kingdom (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Celestial_kingdom) and is chronically depressed. I don't think anyone at her age should have that kind of sadness or pressure in her life, but such is the nature of the Church she has chosen.  :-\

My mom is going to be 86, in a couple of weeks. Just lately she has begun to get the 'forgets'. I am afraid of what is to come, as she lives about 70 miles away and refuses to leave her house. I get there once a week, and the neighbor across the street keeps an eye on her, but I'm still afraid. Fortunately, she doesn't do any cooking, other than microwave, and some scrambled eggs, but I worry all the time.

(http://www.citrusmilo.com/zion2004/joebraun_04222.jpg)

not that this really helps any,  but  Boston Legal with another episode focusing on this topic tonight.

I agree with the first part, but I would bet that she had absolutely no choice on what church she belongs to.

I'm sorry I missed your reply. I was drawn out of retirement last night to play softball again. :sad3:

I'm not a BL fan, so I'm assuming it dealt with the legal aspects? Any insights?

I was going to challenge this statement. But at her age you may be right.

For some reason the image of the children at the polygamy ranch flashed into my mind. I'm assuming it means children and church or being indoctrinated young, I could use a different word but won't out of respect to spacey. My wifes grandmother had the same concerns spacey, replace celestial kingdom with heaven and I'm sure our conversations would be similar.

AD isn't the only neurodegenerative disease out there. 

For example, I lost an older uncle recently to Pick's (http://www.zarcrom.com/users/alzheimers/odem/pk5.html).

One thing I wonder, because you characterize your mother as argumentative, is whether you'd conclude a personality change is more prominent in your mother than is her apparent memory loss?   

I know you said she'd had image scans, etc.  But my understanding, which is probably ancient history, is that that stuff isn't very useful in these sorts of diseases, at least early in their evolution. 

You'd be wise to take her for a complete evaluation by a competent neurologist, preferably one specializing with the aged and neurodegenerative disorders.  I'd think about going to your nearest academic medical center.  They love the tough/subtle cases.

ps, my own mother, in her mid-70's, is 'forgetful' and has been for years..at least a good 10 years.  I've not been too worried about it mostly because it has never really seemed to progress to something worse; in other words, the extent to which it has worsened has been achieved very gradually.  Instead of telling me the same store twice in one visit, she'll tell it to me three times.  But I don't correct her, or point out its deja vu, because usually its a story that is important to her that day...and usually its a good one, worth hearing again, and again, and again....

There's certainly a lot we could share with you from our own experiences, and I'm trying to think of what to share and how to share it so it won't be as overwhelming.  I guess one way is just to let you know to feel free to send an e-mail my way if you have a question about something or just to inquire about our experiences whenever you're wondering; we're more than willing to answer. 

It boils down to 3 categories: the things that we've been doing right, the things we would have started sooner, the things we would have done differently because we have come to realize that they didn't work and were a waste of time and energy (and sometimes money, too).

Continue to stay a part of her life as much as possible.  Even if the day comes that she doesn't recognize where you are in life (i.e. thinking of you in your younger years), it doesn't mean that it'll be like that from then on, but just that she's thinking like that for the moment.  For example, the relatives who visit regularily are the familiar faces that still make my grandma light up, as opposed to those who don't see her very often and now she doesn't recognize them well or at all.

Lots of times the listener's focus can also be that she has forgotten that she already mentioned/asked/etc. something.  While that may be so, at least she is remembering that it was important to her and she wanted to share it with you! :)  A simpler way to look at it is to just answer her as if it were the first time she brought it up.  It will be a help to you when it isn't the monotony that is in the focus.

Something that's helped us is to keep in mind that some of the things that happen is "just the disease".  I don't want to sound like anything and everything she does has to do with the disease or that it's to blame for everything.  But Alzheimer's does cloud the judgment.  Sometimes it's just that she would have kept something to herself rather than saying it to our face.  Don't take mood swings personally.

I did ask my parents if there were things they would have done differently at the beginning.  The above is just a little bit of some of our thoughts, and I will still get back to you with a more direct answer.  Right now, I'm just trying to get it down on pen and paper (or keyboard and notepad as the case may be), mostly just trying to find the words that best express what they've said.

Well you're doing a wonderful job of it. Thank you for taking the time and responding.

And I thank that devil may care Richard Branson look alike, hizzhonor the Blader, I somehow missed his response and I'm sorry.

On a related note to my original post.

I'm now also dealing with my Dad who tore his rotator cuff whilst drying his back off after a shower (if you can imagine that), he had surgery last week to re-attach and will be in a sling for 2 to 3 months, I've been up at his house putting him through his paces this past week, doing what little rehab he can do at home, painful even with the meds, but he's a tough guy, last of the John Wayne's.

I think Mork from Ork had it right, we should be born old and then slowly get younger, it's hard watching parents age, maybe it's seeing my own mortality, there was a time I thought Dad would never die, now...