GolfHos

For the guys here, do any of you have a sister that you are close to? I'm not talking about a sister that you are OK with or you talk. One that you really do care about, maybe a younger sister that you are protective of or something like that?

Dude, it's incest and it's wrong.  Step away.

Stroh is about as close as I can relate.

I know. But I do have a serious question. I have a really close friend, she is very much like a sister to me. She divorced several months ago and just recently she started to date this guy. She really wants to know what I think of him. I met him last night for the first time. She is going out of town for the next couple of days but I know when she comes back she is going to ask me what I think of him.

Honestly I was not impressed. In fact I didn't like some of the things he said to me. The details of what he said don't really matter to this but I know my friend really values my opinion. I dread the question I know she will ask.

Maybe the guy is a *8==>*, but you probably didn't have that much time to get to know him, he may have been nervous about meeting you because he knows you're one of his girlfriend's best friends, he was weirded out by one of his girlfriend's best friends being a guy, ...  Lots of reasons why your initial take may not be the most precise.

What kind of things did he say that rubbed you wrong?

This is how it started out:
him: "So I understand you two are pretty close" (I had no idea he and she talked about me)
me: "yes we are"
Him: "so what kind of dirt about her can you give me?" (Are you *goshdarn* serious? You really think I'm going to tell you stuff, after just meeting you?)
me: "you're asking the wrong guy"

So the conversation turned to how she acts at work and he is very interested. then I say
"that is not the dirt he is looking for"
Him: "Exactly, I want real dirt!"
me: "You are not going to get that from me." (she then high fives me. And yes they all had been drinking, I just got there)

So the ladies decide to go to the powder room leaving the two guys. I can tell he was uncomfortable. This is the part that really bothered me.

him: so you like sports?
me: yes
him: tell me about your son, the one into sports. the 10yo.
m: he is really into football and really likes it.
h: does he play?
m: no we told him if he wants to play in middle school we will talk about it.
h: you really should get him into a league. Let him play.
m: he really hasn't said he wants to.
h: but you should get him into it. It would be good for him.
m: he has played baseball for years and likes it.
h: So he knows to be a team player. you really should let him play.
m: If and when he says he wants to we will talk to him about it. I am not going to force him to do something he doesn't want to do.
h: well I guess you know what's best for your son.

This guys is recently divorced and has a 1yo daughter. Don't tell me what is best for my son. You don't know me, or my son. I have been married for 13 years, have 3 boys. I am pretty sure I know what I am doing.

Clive, I agree with you a little. I am sure he was intimidated. Or maybe not. He was not humble that's for sure. I felt he was quite bold actually.

I feel bad because I know she is happy right now. This relationship may not last past winter, or maybe it will. I don't know. As long as she is happy that's all I care about. I don't have to pals with this guy. I can be cordial. I just don't want her to think I don't want her to see this guy just because I don't like him.

Maybe I am just getting older or maybe I am overprotective.

OK, he is a *8==>*.


One last mitigating fact: you are kind of an *bunghole* yourself.  No disrespect intended.

Good point but shouldn't he be trying to impress me or make a good impression? Even if threatened by me? I was not offensive or over boding in any way. I just sat there and listened. I answered question in a calm way. I don't think I gave the impression of being protective other then not getting dirt from me.

Anyway the problem I have is how do I tell her without her feeling offended? She really does value my opinion. I don't want her to get defensive just because he rubs me the wrong way.

Tough situation to be sure.  I would more than likely give the guy a second chance, if he still comes off as an *bunghole*, I think you owe it to your friend to let her know how you feel. 

I'm kinda in a similar, but totally different situation.  My wife's' best friend is having an affair, and her husband is clueless to the fact.  Though I wouldn't walk across the street to piss on the guy if he was on fire, (Yankee fan, as well as a *fudge*stick deluxe) I do feel a tinge of guilt in not letting him know he is being played, as I would certainly want to know if it were me.

T/J.
I was more intimated by Darla.



 ;D

T/J  Is that a new verb?  ;)

AHAHHA
LMAO
epic self own while trying to make a joke.


Intimidated.


Funny thing is it passed FireFox spellcheck  [sm_shock]

anyways, on topic,   I think Spanky is in the right to feel the guy was being a d1ckhead.

I find it odd the guy, basically upon meeting you for the first time, was pressing for "the dirt" on someone he knew was your friend.

Or maybe he was pressing too hard trying to be one of the group. Give him another chance and see how you feel.

Um, that's because it's a correctly spelled word.  ;)

This bothered me right off the bat. I feel like I should give him a second chance but in a way I already did. I was told about him before I met him, by her. Some things gave me concern. I went in with an open mind putting aside what I knew.

This sucks

More importantly, what is Darla's view on this guy.

[$.02] I actually do have a close female friend who is essentially a sister to me. I met her in high school and we've known each other for 20 years. The longevity of our relationship is based entirely on the fact that we always tell each other the truth and we say what's on our mind. No games, no secrets.

If she asks me my honest opinion, I give it to her. It's not always what she wants to hear, but she knows this, and she values the fact that I will tell her the things no one else will. (It was actually shocking to my wife at first how direct my friend and I are with each other.)

I don't know what your relationship with your friend is like. But if you're bothered by the guy, I think you ought to tell her, and tell her why. It's entirely possible she has already zeroed in on some of the things that bother you about him and is looking for validation. Who knows? But if she asks your honest opinion, and she expects your honest opinion, you are doing yourself, her, and your relationship a disservice by not giving it. [/.$02]

You can always give a tepid answer and hedge it with the crap I posted about not having much time with him, yada yada.  If she latches onto something negative and seems animated (not intimated) as though she too found it odd/bothersome, then I'd go ahead and speak more freely.

You could always mention something he said that you found odd (like giving you child-raising advice).  Focus on that out-of-place comment and not your opinion of him as a whole (or 'hole), and see where it leads her.

Trust your instincts and tell it like it is.  I have 4 sisters.   I'd definitely do it for them, knowing what you know.

Jules, Darla's impression is not quite the same as mine. However she agrees with me that his topics of conversation were not really appropriate. Anyway my opinion means more to my friend then Darla's.

Spacey, your situation is very close to mine. She is very much like a sister to me. Yours is the way I felt like going. Or thought I should go. Again I don't have to like the guy. I don't even have to talk to him. If she is happy that's all that matters to me. At least I didn't run a background check on him like some of her friends. It can suck being friends with a cop sometimes.

I can only hope he is just a rebound guy and she will dump him in the next couple of months.