GolfHos

Oh, the things I let myself get roped into!

We're having a new building constructed, and we move into it in about three weeks.  The Overload of the New Building popped into my office and said senior management thought it'd be wise if we tendered some "rules" for folks to help them conform their behavior to cubicle life.  Yeah, that sounded like fun.  I got a peek at some of the "off the tops of our heads" notions they had, and I agreed to head the "committee" of randomly chosen employees who'll draft up these "rules".  Mostly to kill some of their ideas.

I called our meeting, we had a nice chat, everyone got a chance to express fears/concerns/gripes and to brainstorm ways to defuse potential problems.  (There are a good number of behaviors exhibited here (in offices) that will NOT work well in the new cubicle environment.)

And now I'm saddled with the task of cobbling together an actual draft of guidelines (I shan't call them rules).  I look to you for some suggestions about stuff to sneak in there, as well as your thoughts on the most effective presentation style (humorous, serious, etc.).  It looks like they'll be disseminated in paper form without opportunity for discussion (i.e., not at an all-hands meeting where any Q&A can occur).  We're a group of about 60-70 employees -- much more small-company friendliness than korprit hate here.

Have you seen Wanted?

On a serious note no fleshlights

OK really serious, if you are anything in real life like you are here you should do fine with you "presentation".

And have an exit plan (meaning while you are presenting you know how to get the *fudge* out quick because everyone will hate you).

How strict are you talking about?  Safety things like space heaters or courtesy rules like playing music, eating at desk, limits on pieces of flair, etc.

1. No testicular self-examinations unless you post a warning sign at your cubicle entry (and it's during your lunch break, of course).

Do you work with a pack of wild wolves? How much direction do you need to learn how to sit in a chair in a cubicle?

Ummm ...

(http://raleighfreepress.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/150px-ncsu_wolf.GIF)

The initial "thoughts" were things like no food AT ALL in the cubes; limit of TWO personal photos (with size limits, too!).  I mean, I deadpanned something about the new uniforms ... and everyone thought I was serious.  Good thing I didn't mention the morning company calisthenics!

It's mostly common sense, as you'd expect, and falls into Sight, Sound, Smells, Privacy and Personal Items realms.  Stuff like: no stinky food in the cube or cube trash; quiet music; use handset instead of speakerphone; "inside voices"; being mindful that others can see your checking information on your monitor as you do your online banking; and so on.  Looking for self-regulation; failing resolution, try direct interaction to remove friction; failing resolution, go to HR, then sit back and watch the pyrotechnics.

Are people sharing cubes?

They aren't doubling up in one 6x6 square area, no.  But each "cluster" has from 4 to 8 cubicles in it.  In some cases, most everyone has his/her back to the public spaces; in others, people work with backs to each other and kinda sideways to the direction others would approach from.

Full disclosure: I got an office.  But I'm guessing mentioning that is as unwise as punctuating the declaration with "suck it, bitches!"

No food AT ALL? Two personal pictures? Jesus, I thought you were talking about things like "no farting," and "if other people can hear your Rush Limbaugh, it's too loud."

LMAO!  I've never been in a cubicle in my life.  I have no idea what the etiquette/rules may call for.



Good luck!

Speakers should not be an option.
Food should be OK as long as they are neat.
Stapler obsession optional
(http://www.virtualstapler.com/office_space/images/milton_nervous.jpg)

Being a former cube dweller, I'd probably say:

No scented candles or air fresheners
Use discretion in fragrances and lotions
You may listen to music but not loud enough that others can hear it, unless they have voted that they actually want to
Not everyone thinks posters of babies dressed as adults in grown-up situations are cute
Keep personal phone conversations to a minimum, even if you're working while you're talking
When you are having a personal conversation, don't air your dirty laundry, we can all hear you. Loser.
Even though they're technically fully clothed, your pin-up calendar is probably not appropriate for work
If your screen-saver makes noise, your coworkers are allowed to kill you, likewise your "clever" alert sounds
Eat your tuna sandwich in the breakroom, stinky

Weird.  Things that are totally beyond consideration in my work environment.

On that note don't reheat broccoli, that's nasty not matter what.

I like the handset/no speakerphone rule.  I'd also vote for using headphones over speakers for music.

I've seen HR or Facilities get involved for some of these issues:

- personal appliances/electrical issues - small fan ok, space heater not ok.  personal fridge for "private beverages" not ok.  personal coffee maker ok

- I once had a cube where the light was too bright through the window, so I grabbed all the hanging folders I could find and taped them together to block out the sun.  I was made to take it down, but they provided a shade soon afterwards.

- At one company, after everyone went home, I rearranged the walls of my (corner) cube so that the opening was very slim and it was a struggle for anyone to enter or see me. (it's well established here that I'm a hermit/misanthrope)  I was told to undo everything because fire codes required openings of a minimum width.

You've moved up?  Did you drop the star wars action figures?

Didn't move up, just had an office come available. Still have the action figures.

I'm struggling to understand why a discussion is necessary.  No heaters or hot plates so they don't burn the place down - WTF else do you need?

Sounds like the whole notion has turned into a lord of the flies debacle.  Who's steering the ship there?  Honestly.

I now live in a wavicle.  However, our workplace has never felt the Clive sphincter squeeze and so functions like the normal world.

There are no rules in our workplace.  None.  Zippo.  Anything goes.  If someone bothers you it is standard ops to tell them to knock it the *fudge* fudge off!!!

If they fail to comply you just say this place is *goshdarn* fricking stupid and go the hell heck home.

If they call you back you tell them to have so and so knock that *feces* stuff off or you're going to hammer their ass butt.

For the record - thermos of coffee, one photo of two kids, Pompey FA Cup scarf, Bandon Dunes 2008 calendar, two computers, four monitors and one iPod (currently playing AC/DC, Floyd, Van the Man, Zep and The Pogues.)

To date, zero complaints lodged.

The company has been in offices since its inception.  And we're in the South, where folks -- especially the women, are genteel and not in-your-face about things.

There are two people who nuke their lunches in the microwave right outside my office.  The next office to mine is VP-Regulatory; other side of him is the CEO.  No complaints have ever been lodged with or against the two smelly-food-nukers.  Not because it doens't bother us (daily), but because we have more important things to do and no one wants to be the Executive slamming on the Little Person over something so petty.  But it DOES stink.  A lot.

Lots of people have habits and behaviors that they don't think twice about now, but that will cause friction when everyone is tightly packed in cubes.  Plus, we walk customers/prospects/partners through our facility, so Hillary Clinton voodoo dolls (I *feces* you not), pictures of two AK-47s crossed under a Confederate flag (I *feces* you not) and the like might not be welcomed.

Well, clients exposed to it all - that is worthy of discussion.  Especially given the poor judgment you have pointed out.

Pardon my lack of understanding that people were so foolish to begin with - I should know better.


You need Terry Tate - office linebacker - problem solved.

RzToNo7A-94



The pain train's comin baby - Woooo Wooooo!  [sm_rolling]

No talking to OB/GYNs on the phone about menopause and the associated vaginal dryness - and what it will mean to your love life.

That was one of the most disturbing cubicle conversations I ever had to listen to.

You worked with stroh?

What he fails to mention is that I had to speak loudly to compensate for what sounded like him working a speed bag in his cubicle while I was discussing such intimate matters.

Had I been courteous, I would have simply sent you - anonymously, of course - some of the lube that was serving so well my purposes. 

I don't like your chances of pulling this off smoothly.

If people are already pissed off for losing an office and getting put into a cube (as well as being reminded of their value to the company), how do you pull off a list like this without making it seem like they're being treated like children?*

(http://www.golfhos.com/images/diagonal-cubicle.gif)



* Yikes, I put, like, three "likes" in that sentence. :-[

It can certainly be improved like this:

You misunderestimate me.  I'm in the penumbra of senior management: high enough up to get hierarchical respect, but not so high as to be blamed for any decisions handed down.  As a member of the Legal "team" (total membership: two; total membership on-site: one), I'm not viewed as wearing the jersey of any one functional group that any other group might be at war with.  I'm like Switzerland, but with slightly less personality.  Finally, and at the risk of immodesty, I discovered I was nominated to this post because it was believed that I would not hesitate to tender a policy that best benefited the collective rather than one which better served my own self-interests.

Anyway, it was a team effort, said team consisting of the very employees who will live under the guidelines.  So they can bite my ass, provided it be done without within the restrictions pertaining to sight, sound, and smell and with due regard for privacy.

(http://www-personal.umich.edu/~touch/spock.jpg)

Ah, got it.  I think I misoverestimated your role in the corporate pantheon. I was thinking something like Hephaestus rather than Prometheus.

Back on topic, this list is pretty good:
http://www.bremercommunications.com/Cubicle_Etiquette.htm
(I hate people that sneak up on me in a cube when I have headphones on.  Even though I usually put a rearview mirror on my monitor, I still get surprised)

And this article is hilarious:
http://www.underpaidmonkeys.com/2008/6/2/joy-is-no-cubicles

This thread somehow makes me feel vindicated about climbing into my brown(c) truck every workday for the last 30 years. ;D