A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...

Three ropes go into a bar.  First one says, "Go on and take a seat; I'll order us some beers." 
So he goes to the bar and asks for three beers.
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve ropes here."
Dejected, he goes back to the table.
"Hey, where's our beer?" the other ropes ask.
"Bartender said they don't serve ropes," the first rope explains.
So the second rope goes up and tries to get some beers.  He begs and pleads, but the bartender insists that it's a policy and it can't be changed, so he goes back to the table and apologizes for his failure.
The third rope says, "I'll take care of this."  So he scrapes at himself until he's practically falling apart, and then wraps around himself in a myriad of ways.  He turns to his buddies and says, "I'll have the beers for you in a few seconds," and walks up to the bar.
"Three beers for me and my buddies," he says.
The bartender looks mildly annoyed.  "I already told your two friends.  We don't serve beer to ropes in this bar.  Aren't YOU a rope?"
"I'm a frayed knot."


One beautiful autumn Saturday in the early afternoon a man walks into a bar in Durham, NC with his dog.  The dog was dressed in a Duke sweater and had a Duke hat on his head. 
The bartender sees the guy coming in and stops him immediately.  "Hey!" he says.  "You can't bring a freakin' DOG in here!"
The man looks pitiful as he explains his situation.  "You just HAVE to let us stay," he says.  "I'm the world's biggest Duke football fan.  The kickoff is in 5 minutes.  My television in on the blink and I have no other way of watching the game."
"But the policy is no dogs."
"Don't worry about the dog, sir," he says.  "He's incredibly well behaved.  I'll keep a close eye on him and he won't disturb anybody or anything," he promises.
Moved by the man's desperation, the bartender reluctantly agrees to let them stay and watch the game.
The game starts.  The opposing team kicks off and Duke gets a decent return.  They then run a series of fairly successful plays, getting a few first downs and advancing the ball to the opponent's 22 yard line before facing a 4th and 4.  The field goal kicker comes in and successfully makes a field goal to make the score 3 to nothing. 
The ball is no sooner through the uprights than the dog goes berserk, leaping up onto the bar, jumping up and down howling, and doing forward flips the length of the bar. 
The bartender is amazed.  "Good God," he says, "that dog got pretty damned excited by that field goal!  What does he do when Duke scores a touchdown?"
"How should I know?  I've only had him for 6 years."

A horse walks into a saloon and up to the bar.

The bartender walks over and say,"Hey buddy, why the long face?"

.........ba-da-b00m

Yeah, no kidding.