"The" talk

So I'm going to have to have the talk with my 10 year old today. And it all stems from last night (and no Clive he did not walk in on the shower scene).

Yesterday in school he blurts out in the middle of class a bad word. He is telling me this story and I ask what was the bad word. "It starts with L and ends with N"  So I am running through my brain and all my sailor days and the only word I can come up with is lesbian. Bingo. And I am thinking since when is this a "bad" word? Well he had heard it in school some time, had no idea what it meant, and said it for whatever reason.

Anyhoo he blurts this word out in the middle of class.

Me:What was everyone else doing?
Him:They are talking.
M: What about?
H: Just stuff.
M: Math?
H: no.
M: Just talking? In the middle of class?
H: Yes.
M: What's the teacher doing?
H: Talking to another kid.
M: So were you learning anything? doing a group thing, a project?
H: no.

At this point I am more mad that school is less about learning and more a social gathering but that is fodder for another thread.

So I tell him last night his mother and I will talk about it today with him. OK and I put the boys to bed. So I get ready for a quite night without Darla, get the laptop ready, turn the TV on, and proceed to go to the potty. While I am sitting on the throne he comes walking, "Dad what does that word mean?" Can we talk about this tomorrow? "No"

'sigh'

All right let me finish.

So I go into the living room and look at him. I proceed to ask him some questions. What are your private parts called? What are girl's private parts called? Do you know what **** is? Have you ever heard homo****ual and hetero****ual?

'Good Lord I can't believe I am having this talk'

Anyway after about 15 minutes I manage to clarify with him what a lesbian is, what gay means, and why we don't use those words in the context that he has in the past.

"OK, thanks dad."

"Good night son"

'Where the *fudge* is Darla when I need her'

And thus I start drinking. Problem is I left more questions unanswered and will have to complete the conversation today.

"I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue"

Dude.

I think I luck out in this household, because they are not going to come to me and ask. If they do I will be surprised. The oldest told me what he had said the same way he had told Spanky and I told him we would talk about it tomorrow but knowing him I knew he wouldn't wait. Also, I knew Spanky wants to explain things to them because it is probably more comfortable coming from him then me.

That's what I was thinking at the time.

Great job, I think.  Sounds abnormally mature of you (probably par for the course with him, though).

Kid's ten years old and already has a name for his gear?  Damn, they do grow up fast these days.

Out of curiosity, what do y'all's kids call the various private parts?

I'm not sure.

Man if you started drinkin' after this minor episode you're going to be a full blown alcoholic by the time they reach the "car" years.
but I'm with you and still scratchin' my head over the whole "lesbian is a bad word" thing.

Keep talking, best thing you can do, and ummmm it gets harder/worse/more embarrassing.

Ps. so did you have a quiet night without Darla or quite a night? 

For the record:
Bum/butt.
Penis.
Vagina.
Boobs/boobies.  ( I lobbied unsuccessfully for "jumblies".)