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A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...

 
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Dunk
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A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« on: February 22, 2007, 07:55:41 AM »

Rene Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender said, “Rene can I get you a beer?”
Rene said, “I think not.”
And *POOF*, he disappeared!
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dystopia
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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2007, 08:14:33 AM »

 Grin
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Clive
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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2007, 08:42:30 AM »

A woman goes into a bar and asks for a "double entendre".

So the bartender gave her one.  Naughty
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Dunk
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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2007, 09:43:33 AM »

A woman goes into a bar and asks for a "double entendre".

So the bartender gave her one.  Naughty
Know what I mean??
nudge nudge wink wink Naughty
« Last Edit: February 22, 2007, 10:01:37 AM by Dunk » Logged Return to Top
Aske
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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2007, 09:50:10 AM »

Rene Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender said, “Rene can I get you a beer?”
Rene said, “I think not.”
And *POOF*, he disappeared!
lol
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Quote
Russia has invaded a sovereign neighboring state and threatens a democratic government elected by its people. Such an action is unacceptable in the 21st century.
--  Chimpy McFlightsuit, CEO of Bu$hco Industries of 'Merka
gleek
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E chu ta!

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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2007, 10:36:20 AM »

Descartes was teh poof?
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Woman, open the door, don't let it sting. I wanna breathe that fire again.
Clive
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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2007, 11:00:11 AM »

A baby seal walks into a bar.
"What can I get you?" asks the bartender.
"Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.

A bear walked into a bar and says, "I'll have a beer......and some of those peanuts."
The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"
 
Shakespeare walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer.
"I can't serve you." says the bartender. "You're Bard!"
 
A man walked into a bar holding an alligator.
He asked the bartender, "Do you serve lawyers here?"
The bartender said, "Yes, we do!"
"Good," replied the man. "Give me a beer, and I'll have a lawyer for my alligator."
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spacey
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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2007, 11:09:32 AM »

I thought I had heard every lawyer joke in existence.

A rare bestowment of karma.
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stroh
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We're doomed!

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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2007, 11:12:38 AM »

Woman staggers up, and sits at the bar.
She says "Tarbender, give a scouble dotch."
Bartender pours the drink.
Woman says "Tarbender, give a tarmini."
Bartender pours another drink.
Woman says "Tarbender, give me a drewscriver"
Bartender pours the drink.
After only a sip, she screams at the the bartender "I have heartburn!"

The bartender says "Look lady, It's double scotch, not scouble dotch. It's martini, not tarmini. It's a screwdriver, not a drewscriver.  And you don't have heartburn, your boob is in the ashtray.
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spacey
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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2007, 11:30:03 AM »

[a long one]

A man walks into a bar in Salt Lake City, orders three pints of Guinness, and takes them to a corner booth. He sets the three pints in a row in front of him, takes a sip from one, sets it down, takes a sip from the next, sets it down, and takes a sip from the last. He continues to take one drink from each, in order, until the three pints are gone.

As he gets ready to leave, the bartender catches his attention and says, "pardon me, sir, I couldn't help but notice how you were drinking your pints. If you don't mind my asking, is there a reason?"

The man replies, "I grew up in Ireland with two brothers. As we grew up, and we each went our separate ways, we agreed that every week at precisely this time we'd each go to a bar, order a pint for each of us and drink as though we were still together."

The bartender was touched by this and felt an immediate bond to this gentleman. As the weeks went on, the man became a regular fixture in the bar. The staff grew to like him very much and always looked forward to his weekly visits.

One week the man walks into the bar, takes his usual corner booth, but this time only orders two pints of Guinness. The bar staff assumes the worst has happened to one of his brothers. When the waitress brings his beers to him she says, "I can't tell you how sorry I am that you have lost one of your brothers."

The man looks perplexed for a moment, chuckles, and replies, "Oh no lass, not at all. Both of my brothers are alive and well. The reason I only ordered two pints is that my wife has decided that we are going to be Mormons. That means I can no longer drink, but it surely doesn't mean my brothers can't."
« Last Edit: February 22, 2007, 11:45:55 AM by spaceage » Logged Return to Top
campy
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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2007, 11:56:05 AM »

[a long one]

A man walks into a bar in Salt Lake City, orders three pints of Guinness and takes them to a corner booth. He sets the three pints in a row in front of him, takes a sip from one, sets it down, takes a sip from the next, sets it down, and takes a sip from the last. He continues to take one drink from each, in order, until the three pints are gone.

As he gets ready to leave, the bartender catches his attention and says, "pardon me, sir, I couldn't help but notice how you were drinking your pints. If you don't mind my asking, is there a reason?"

The man replies, "I grew up in Ireland with two brothers. As we grew up, and we each went our separate ways, we agreed that every week at precisely this time we'd each go to a bar, order a pint for each of us and drink as though we were still together."

The bartender was touched by this and felt an immediate bond to this gentleman. As the weeks went on, the man became a regular fixture in the bar. The staff grew to like him very much and always looked forward to his weekly visits.

One week the man walks into the bar, takes his usual corner booth, but this time only orders two pints of Guinness. The bar staff assumes the worst has happened to one of his brothers. When the waitress brings his beers to him she says, "I can't tell you how sorry I am that you have lost one of your brothers."

The man looks perplexed for a moment, chuckles, and replies, "Oh no lass, not at all. Both of my brothers are alive and well. The reason I only ordered two pints is that my wife has decided that we are going to be Mormons. That means I can no longer drink, but it surely doesn't mean my brothers can't."
  Grin
Utah liquor laws prohibits this behavior correct?
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spacey
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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #11 on: February 22, 2007, 12:10:19 PM »

  Grin
Utah liquor laws prohibits this behavior correct?
Hey! Don't *feces* on my joke with your knowledge of our stupid laws!
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campy
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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #12 on: February 22, 2007, 12:19:45 PM »

  Grin
Utah liquor laws prohibits this behavior correct?
Hey! Don't *feces* on my joke with your knowledge of our stupid laws!
Cry Cry Cry
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stroh
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We're doomed!

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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #13 on: February 22, 2007, 12:24:57 PM »

  Grin
Utah liquor laws prohibits this behavior correct?
Hey! Don't *feces* on my joke with your knowledge of our stupid laws!

Is there a law that prevents *feces*ting on things, or do you guys look past the kinky stuff?
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spacey
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Re: A Philosopher Walks Into a Bar...
« Reply #14 on: February 22, 2007, 12:33:08 PM »

  Grin
Utah liquor laws prohibits this behavior correct?
Hey! Don't *feces* on my joke with your knowledge of our stupid laws!

Is there a law that prevents *feces*ting on things, or do you guys look past the kinky stuff?
http://www.sltrib.com/news/ci_5278749
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