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Off-Beat Joke Thread

 
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Clive
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Off-Beat Joke Thread
« on: July 30, 2007, 08:57:33 PM »

Hopefully, the first and only in a series:


How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: one to screw the bulb in, and the other to hold his cock.  I mean, ladder.




(Hey, it's a new one to me!)
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hobbit
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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #1 on: July 30, 2007, 09:04:17 PM »

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?




Because they taste funny.

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Dunk
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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #2 on: July 30, 2007, 09:23:15 PM »

Rene Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender said, “Rene can I get you a beer?”
Rene said, “I think not.”
And *POOF*, he disappeared!
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spacey
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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2007, 09:35:22 PM »

A guy who needed a new hinge for a door he was working on sent his wife to the hardware store to buy it. When she got to the store, a picture frame caught her eye and she asked a salesman how much it cost.

The salesman replied, "that's genuine silver and we're asking $100 for it."

"That's a lot of money," she replied, "I guess I can't buy it today." She then showed the salesman the hinge she was looking to replace, and he went to the back room to find one that would work. After a moment of looking the salesman yelled from the stockroom, "hey lady, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

After a moment of thought, the woman replied, "No, but I will for the picture frame."
« Last Edit: July 30, 2007, 09:42:58 PM by spacey » Logged Return to Top
gleek
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E chu ta!

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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #4 on: July 30, 2007, 09:48:38 PM »

A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Mr. Rabbit, do you have problems with *feces* sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "Why, no I don't, Mr. Bear." So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with it.
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MP
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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #5 on: July 30, 2007, 11:18:42 PM »

A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Mr. Rabbit, do you have problems with *feces* sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "Why, no I don't, Mr. Bear." So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with it.
that one actually got me to laugh out loud.
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twoiron
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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #6 on: July 31, 2007, 05:53:34 AM »

What's brown and sticky??







A stick.
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Aske
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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #7 on: July 31, 2007, 08:29:44 AM »

 Punch Balls
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Quote
Russia has invaded a sovereign neighboring state and threatens a democratic government elected by its people. Such an action is unacceptable in the 21st century.
--  Chimpy McFlightsuit, CEO of Bu$hco Industries of 'Merka
Blader
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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #8 on: July 31, 2007, 10:42:11 AM »

After 5 years tending his claim, a prospector decides to "raise some cain",
so he heads down the mountain to the closest boomtown saloon.

"Bartender," he says "give me a whiskey!"

The prospector downs his drink in a gulp, leans over the bar and asks
slyly, "So, bartender, got any women 'round here?"

The bartender replies, "Nope, but we got 'Ol Joe out back!"

"*fudge* you," says the prospector. "I don't go in for any of that *feces*!" Then
he leaves.

Five years pass. The prospector heads back down the mountain, walks
into the same saloon and says, "Bartender, give me a whiskey!"

Once again, the whiskey goes down in a gulp and the prospector says,
"So, bartender, got any women 'round here yet?"

The bartender replies, "Nope, but we still got 'Ol Joe out back!"

"I told you," says the prospector, "I don't go in for any of that *feces*!" And
heads back up the mountain.

Five more years pass. Same prospector, same saloon, same bartender,
same "whiskey in a gulp", same proposition with the same reply.

"Nope, but we still got 'Ol Joe out back."

The prospector, having not had **** for 15 years, thinks for a bit and asks,
"Bartender, if I was to go out back with 'Ol Joe, who'd know about it?"

"Well," says the bartender, "there'd be me, you, 'Ol Joe of course, and
three other guys."

"Three OTHER guys!", shouts the prospector. "What in hell for!?!"

The bartender replies, "To hold down 'Ol Joe. He don't go in for any of that
*feces* either!"
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BFBoy
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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #9 on: July 31, 2007, 11:59:38 AM »

A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Mr. Rabbit, do you have problems with *feces* sticking to your fur?" The rabbit replies, "Why, no I don't, Mr. Bear." So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his ass with it.

Rene Descartes walks into a bar.
The bartender said, “Rene can I get you a beer?”
Rene said, “I think not.”
And *POOF*, he disappeared!


These two had me rolling. Thanks for the funnies.
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hobbit
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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #10 on: July 31, 2007, 02:13:07 PM »

A three-legged dog ambles into a saloon.

He hobbles to the bar and orders a whiskey.

The bartender says "Hey, the three-legged dog!  What are you doin back in these parts?"

The three-legged dog says, "I came lookin for the guy that shot my pa(w)."

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stroh
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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #11 on: August 01, 2007, 06:20:29 AM »

Q.  What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when he hits the windshield?



A.  His ass.
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stroh
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We're doomed!

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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #12 on: August 01, 2007, 08:40:42 AM »

A man turns to his wife and says "Hey, I bet you can't tell me anything that can make me happy and sad at the same time."

The wife thinks for a minute, and then replies "You have a bigger pen0r than your brother."
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PaunchyBald
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this place is hell on avatars......

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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2007, 11:41:32 AM »

These two 90+ year old folks are sittin' on the porch.  The old lady finally says, "Thanks for 70 years of bad ****."

After about 5 minutes the old man stands up and slaps the living *feces* outta the old lady.  After he sits back down, the old lady says "What was that for?"

Without hesitation the old man says, "That was for knowing the difference."
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I don't play golf anymore.   Well, maybe I do sort of.  I quit keeping score, started drinkning beer and I started playing better.
Aske
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Re: Off-Beat Joke Thread
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2007, 11:57:35 AM »

A man turns to his wife and says "Hey, I bet you can't tell me anything that can make me happy and sad at the same time."

The wife thinks for a minute, and then replies "You have a bigger pen0r than your brother."

 Shocked
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Quote
Russia has invaded a sovereign neighboring state and threatens a democratic government elected by its people. Such an action is unacceptable in the 21st century.
--  Chimpy McFlightsuit, CEO of Bu$hco Industries of 'Merka
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